"Every moment of your life is infinitely creative. The universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you."
-Mahitma Gandhi
After years of working with couples in therapy, Suzan began to realize there was a very specific need that traditional therapy was not addressing. Sometimes, the purpose of traditional psychotherapy is to look at specific experiences, traumas, addictions and compulsions that have lead to life altering issues. This approach isn't what a relatively healthy couple needs. Even though they are loving, they find that different styles of communication lead to a fear of intimacy.
There needed to be a more in-depth look at different communication styles. Therefore, she has developed a program that takes couples through a process where each person learns about their communication style and how to lovingly accept their partners' style.
What to expect from the 10-Step Course:
Sessions will be structured similarly to a Couples Counseling session. Each session is 2 hours and will cover the steps listed below.
The Foundation
- Creating Boundaries and Establishing Agreements - this applies to this course as well as your relationship.
- Determining Your Learning Styles - through a simple questionnaire, you will discover your learning style preference.
- Un-Earthing blocks to meaningful, successful communication - when we are carrying unresolved issues, you will become overly reactive and triggered when communicating with your partner. It is necessary to understand those issues and resolve them to move on and be heard. This is where one-on-one work might begin.
- Clarifying relationship to self - your needs and wants and desires first need to be understood by you - where they come from, and if they are truly yours. Finding your own voice begins when you are clear about who you are in the world and how that relates to your relationship.
- Learning Active Listening - this will involve becoming an active listener, meaning, not just hearing but being able to express back to your partner what you heard them say. Communication becomes an interactive sport.
- Fighting Fair - experiencing how to clearly be heard and be understood without resorting to shouting, manipulation or passive-aggressive behavior (this includes an in-office step-by-step process).
Advanced Communication for Frequently Encountered Difficult Issues
- Finances - exploring the different philosophies around handling money and creating a budget to accommodate co-responsibility.
- Family Dynamics - including all relatives that are part of your lives particularly discussing appropriate relationships with your parents and your in-laws.
- Sex - we will explore intimacy as it relates to your sexual relationship inside and outside of the bedroom.
- Other categories that may be addressed depending on your relationship issues:
- Religion
- Career
- Geography/Where you live
- Cultural Background
- Death and Dying
- Health and Nutrition
- Children and Parenting
An excerpt from the 2nd step, "Determining Your Learning Styles":
There has been much research on learning style preferences. The five categories of "learners" are:
- Kinetic Learner (processing through body and movement)
- Auditory Learner (processing through the audition system)
- Visual Learner (processing through the visual system)
- Emotional Learner (processing through emotions)
- Cognitive Learner (processing through beliefs)
Our learning style preference means just that: we prefer a specific system and often use combinations of these systems when learning.
By way of example: Mary and John are a very loving couple who have been married 14 years and believe they have a solid marriage. They have decided it is time to purchase a fixer-upper, which they do. They believe their love and commitment to each other will be enough to take them through this project. They soon discover every single roadblock to communication they ever had is in front of them as they are trying to remodel this home together. Mary is a visual/auditory learner. This means, what she hears needs to make sense with what she sees. John is a kinetic/cognitive learner. Meaning, what he feels in his body needs to make sense with what he thinks and believes. John sits down to explain to Mary his "vision" for the remodel project. As he speaks about it, she sees pictures in her mind's eye of how he wants the house to look. Then he brings out the drawing of the remodel and she begins to feel very frustrated. What he has drawn from his kinetic/cognitive state does not match the picture that she has formed in her mind. He believes the kitchen should be laid out in a specific way because it creates a particular atmosphere that he is going for. She cares more about function than atmosphere. She heard his words but the picture she has in her mind of how the kitchen should be laid out is very different. And, now, a fight ensues.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HERE?! DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?!
It is very important to know who you are speaking to and how they process the information (if at all possible). Through this training we begin to understand how we have developed and how our partner has developed differently. When we understand, we can begin to come to resolution without judgment, blame or shame. The resolution to this example would lead you to humor, acceptance, and intimacy rather than anger, shame, and disconnect. You can see how important it is to know one's self and how your wiring is very different from your partner's.